After spending time with these two – I literally don’t think there’s any problem they can’t fix – or at least make you feel a bit better about it.
Juliet’s Answer
Hello! So firstly, I think his is another really common problem, especially in small – medium businesses like this.
What I’m not completely sure about is the hierarchy of the team, you mention the manager, but I wondered if there is anyone above him that you could speak to, especially if you have as you mention built up strong relationships working there for 8 yrs. This is especially important, if other employees are feeling the same way – you mention ‘he undermines them all’ – if that’s the case and other people are concerned, then getting together to speak to a higher up manager will strengthen your case and looks less like a simple individual personality clash.
The other thing to consider is stepping into your new manager’s shoes for a minute, if he’s come into a close-knit team, he may be acting in this way to mark his ground, which may be coming from a place of lack of experience, or insecurity on his part. Have you tried speaking to him about this already? If not, I recommend approaching this with more of a curious mindset, rather than possibly a ‘them and us’ scenario or ‘failing to make him realise his faults.’
Just remember there are many things we can’t control, and how someone else behaves is one of them, all you can do is control how you react to the situation, and your own mindset.
Also we never know completely what is going on in someone else’s life, and the way he is behaving may be down to something else entirely, rather than choosing to be purposely difficult, is there anything going on outside of work for example?
However I’m not suggesting you all ‘put up’ with this either, especially if it’s affecting everyone at work and making them miserable, but instead could you offer to suggest for example a pre-client meeting, to understand the priorities, and make sure you’re all ‘singing from the same hymn sheet’ (I recommend taking notes too), then if he does go rogue in the actual meeting, it highlights his undermining behaviour even more, and you can raise that as a concern, using more evidence.
A similar option could be to be overly kind and understanding, which if he is doing this to get a rise out of you all or show you who’s boss, could completely baffle him and things may calm down?
Overall my suggestion is to try a few different approaches to hopefully outsmart this behaviour, and things will settle down in time, before you throw in the towel and think about leaving. Plus there are no guarantees that you wouldn’t come across something similar in your next role, and you wouldn’t have the support of long-standing colleague relationships beside you.
And finally, think about ways that you can leave work at the door when you get home, to protect your energy during this challenging time:
What could you do to transition between work and home? That may be a fun podcast or music on the drive home, or a grounding cuppa and walk around the garden, before getting stuck into home tasks, try to find ways to decompress so these grievances don’t stick in your mind all evening.
Good luck, and I hope things turn around, do keep us posted!
Clair’s answer
My first thought? Don’t let this guy push you out of the job you love!
I would start out by writing down all the pros and cons to this job. You’ve already said you enjoy the work, and the people are great – and they’ve been flexible when you’ve needed time off to look after your kids. Those are all big “pluses”.
The job market isn’t great at the moment and you could easily find yourself in a role that doesn’t work for you – or worse still, no job at all.
It could be that the new guy hasn’t been in a manager role before and needs some training on how to get his team on side (he’s not doing a great job so far). He might be lacking in confidence and feel a bit threatened by people who are more experienced and knowledgeable – hence undermining you in front of clients. Either way, it’s not okay, and I’m not making excuses for him.
It sounds like you’re not the only one feeling cheesed off with this new manager. So could you get a few people together after work and compare notes? I assume there are more senior people who recruited the new guy, so you could all take your concerns to them. Write down the key points you want to make, and try to take the emotion out of it so you come across as professional.
You can get free, confidential and independent advice on workplace problems from ACAS. https://www.acas.org.uk/ They also a conciliation service to help you find a solution to disputes. Take a look at their website for more details.
I would think very carefully before quitting a job you love, and I hope I’ve given you some ideas for finding a way through it. Good luck!
June’s Problem………..
I am a freelance handbag designer and since moving up north the work has hard to come by.
I reached out to an old colleague who is now a Director at a successful retailer. She kindly passed on my details to her managers. She felt there would definitely be something for me.
After my initial interview I didn’t hear anything for weeks. But then they got in touch with a project – but it wasn’t how I usually work.
They wanted to present a catwalk overview to me, so I could tell them what they were missing. They shared it with me via zoom, very quickly, but wouldn’t send the actual document. I made notes as quickly as I could.
They gave me 2 paid days to present my findings. There were hundreds of shows to go through with various categories to report on.
I definitely worked over-time – I spent around 5 days on it. My report was around 100 pages and I tried my best to think of things they hadn’t covered.
After I delivered the work, I chased three times for feedback and the eventual reply was pretty cold and short. They said there was nothing they could use going forward as they had covered everything. I was also paid late after further chasing.
I was really hoping this would be the start of some regular work, but I feel like I haven’t been treated particularly well by the team and I’m not expecting to hear any more from them.
It’s really knocked my confidence.
Should I tell my old colleague how her managers treated me? I don’t want to burn my bridges further but I also feel she should know?
Clair’s answer:
I’m really sorry this has happened to you, and I know exactly how you feel. A situation like this can absolutely knock your confidence.
Personally I wouldn’t go back to your ex-colleague. I would treat this as water under the bridge and learn from the experience.
Remember – this isn’t a reflection on your skills or experience. I think you’re saying that the project felt rushed and unclear from the start.
When you’re short of work, it’s tempting to accept whatever you’re offered. But as you’ve said, this project wasn’t how you usually work. It sounds to me like alarm bells were already ringing for you before you got started.
When there’s a tight deadline, and it’s a new client, it’s even more important to make sure everyone is clear about the brief and how it’s going to be delivered.
If they didn’t want to send over the catwalk overview document, (maybe for confidentiality reasons), then they should have spent more time on the Zoom call to make sure you had the information you needed to deliver your findings.
And it sounds as though 2 days was never going to be enough time. Perhaps it would have been if you had access to the document, but when you only have handwritten notes and what you can remember from their presentation, it’s tough. So don’t beat yourself up about it. As you’ve said, you worked for 3 days unpaid and did your best.
Tips:
Ask for a really clear brief in writing including who is doing what, what information and resources you’ll have access to. (Don’t forget to include your fee, and your payment terms!)
Be confident in asking for what you’ll need from them so you can deliver the work. If they aren’t able to give you what you ask for, suggest an alternative. For example if a client says they can’t give you a document but can only talk you through it over zoom, ask if you can record the call. At least you’ll have something to refer back to.
Don’t be afraid to go back and ask questions if anything seems vague or unreasonable.
You’re a freelancer, but you’re also a professional and an expert in what you do. If you set clear expectations from the start, it’s easier to manage client expectations and avoid difficult situations.
Juliet’s answer:
Hi, ok this is a tough situation, and I really feel for how you have been treated, but to me this all comes down to self-confidence, and your own self-worth. There is a phrase I use in my head regularly when I feel I’m getting any kind of red flag on collaboration work and it’s this, re-quoted by Oprah Winfrey a lot, but actually by Maya Angelou:
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
Meaning (in simple terms): It’s about trusting people’s actions. If someone reveals their true character, through how they behave, you shouldn’t ignore it or make excuses. Instead, take it as honest insight into who they are.
Oprah often elaborates on the quote, saying, ‘People will show you who they are once, they will show you who they are twice and then it is your responsibility as to how you react to the truth of what they are showing you’ so in your scenario, they were giving you clues as to who they were from the beginning in how they work.
Let’s break it down for me to explain;
- Firstly, not great at communication, and not getting in touch for weeks
- Secondly, they are expecting you to effectively do 2 weeks of work for free,
- Thirdly, they are giving you an unrealistic timescale to do the work – 2 days not 5
- Fourthly – they are unresponsive to chasing for payment (I expect they were thinking you’d give up and well done for not doing), and
- Finally – a standard, cold and curt response to your request for feedback.
Do you see what I mean? And I get it, especially when you are trying to rebuild your client base after a move, and were no doubt excited about working with a successful brand.
BUT this is where you need to turn inwards and not outwards with your business and figure out how you want to work and operate, and with whom:
You get to choose, it’s your business, don’t forget that.
And that comes down to doing the inner work of figuring out what your brand values are, and what your vision is for the business.
This is not about them, sadly there will always be people who don’t share the same ethics of working as we do, and personally I wouldn’t waste anymore mental energy on it, other than reflecting on what you learned from this experience. Before relooking at your values and vision, journal about the lessons from this experience.
Ask yourself: If you fully embraced the values and ethics of how you would want to run your business, what would you have done differently in this scenario? Would you, having understood the red flags from an objective point of view, have worked with them at all?
You mention potentially not wanting to burn your bridges, but truly would you like to work with this company again? And as for mentioning it to your ex-colleague, unless they are a good friend who you feel should know how the business is being represented by this particular team, then again, I’d let it go.
It’s so tempting to align ourselves with businesses who we perceive to be more successful than us sometimes, but now you’ve witnessed the inside track on how they work, how do you feel about them now?
When you have figured out your values and vision, I recommend doing some research into other businesses you may want to approach, and check if their values align to yours, and then reach out.
And most of all the biggest lesson here I think is to trust your intuition, if something doesn’t feel right from the beginning, let it be a No, and move onto building relationships more suited to who you are as a business.
Wishing you all the luck moving forwards, running your own business is hard going sometimes, but in time you may see this as being a valuable gift / lesson that will give you future clarity as to how you want to run things moving forwards, and that inner work will boost your confidence, not other people’s opinions of you / your work.
And if you need any help with discovering your values and vision, then get in touch to hear more about WOW Team and the support we offer, we’d love to help.
